Ever Wondered?

Image Description: Nathan is standing with a guitar across his shoulder. His face is turned to face the camera.

Have you ever wondered what your life would be like if you didn’t do the things you have done in the past? The people you met? The mistakes you made? The moment that changed your life forever?

Do you regret those decisions?

I used to think about it every day, and it would play on my mind for a long time. I recall sleepless nights where my anxiety would just hit the roof. It would come out of nowhere and it freaked me out. Not knowing how life would have been if I stayed home.

I grew up in a town where not many people just got up and left. My family have always looked after each other, and that also meant caring for your elders and younger family members. Aboriginal people have been doing it for hundreds of years. It was something that everyone did. However, these days there are so many other elements to factor in. For example, drug and alcohol abuse has had a massive impact on my hometown, family members and the people I grew up with. I had to break that cycle. I had to make a change. So I left.

The few people that do get out are mostly chasing an AFL career or some other sporting career. But back when I was leaving home, there were not many people leaving town at all, let alone moving away for university. I came down to Adelaide 10 years ago to study music at the Elder Conservatorium of Music, and couldn’t have imagined I’d be where I am today.

There is not a day that goes by where I regret my decision. The real big push came after meeting the US President, Barack Obama. The day I met Obama in November 2011, I made a quick decision to move away from Darwin. He spoke to me for maybe 5 minutes and it inspired me to go and chase a dream. So I applied for university and a few days after that,  I got in.

The rest was history.

I cried in the airport with my family and on the plane leaving Darwin, though I didn’t understand why. There was always the not knowing in the back of my mind, lingering. What would have happened if I stayed in my hometown? Would I still be playing music? Would I have a career in music? Or a beautiful family? I will never know.

I live everyday as it comes, I never compare my life with others nor do I think my life is better than others. I dedicate my life to my friends and family that were never able to leave the life they have to chase their dreams. I was fortunate enough to have been inspired by a big moment in my life.

The day I go back to Darwin and inspire the next kid, will be the day I stop thinking about what would have happened if I stayed home.

Nathan May is an Associate Artist at ActNow Theatre. His Employment has been made possible thanks to Arts South Australia